"How many times do I shut down opportunity by saying that I can’t, when that’s not really the true story? I’m thinking about how much more powerful it is to say what’s really true, whether that means saying “I don’t want to,” “I want to, but I need help thinking about how to make that happen,” or “I’ve made a different choice that works better for me.” There’s power in owning our choices, and that’s what I want to do more of."
(from: http://thefivetribe.com/?p=3249)
I always love it when something that I've been trying to articulate for myself comes up in someone else's writings.
I was thinking about this a lot on Sunday, in particular. I was at SPARK and the WOD had running (the bane of my existence). Three 800m runs, to be exact. From the second I looked at the board, I was filled with dread (this is not uncommon for me when I see "r-u-n" on that board).
I got through my first set of box jumps well enough (they were actually fast! I rebounded off the ground without stopping! I made progress!). My pull ups were...pull ups. Then the run. Oh, the run. I slogged away at round one. I wandered back into the box for round two of box jumps and pull ups. Then came run #2.
Somewhere around 400m, the excuses came to the forefront of my mind. I let the run get the better of me. "My calves are on fire" (they were). "Fuck am I tired today" (I was). "I feel like absolute shit" (this positive self talk was obviously helping with this one). "I should have eaten breakfast" (maybe). "I cannot finish this run".
And I walked.
It didn't make me feel better. It didn't magically make the WOD easier. What it did do, was make it easier for me to walk several more times. Once you've done it once, what's two times? Three?
I have never been a strong runner, but I have not walked during a WOD in what has to be two years. I didn't walk during Murph, for fuck's sake! What happened was I let my mind get the better of me. It wasn't a matter of I can't. It was a matter of, "you know what, I just don't want to right now. Maybe later."
I don't say this to beat myself up, but rather to recognize it. In recognizing it, I can acknowledge and deal with what's behind it. One of the things that I love about CrossFit and SPARK is that it's not just about working out for me; through the experiences garnered there, I learn so much more about myself. That run isn't the only time in my life that I've had that conversation with myself. How many times do you think it's happened at work? At home? With anything, really.
Thanks for calling me on my shit, 800m run. 'Til next we meet. I will be ready for you. I may not want to run you, but I can run you. And I will.
Burpees, I'm putting you on notice too.
