All or Nothing

For the last 20 minutes or so I've been googling variations such as "Diet Coke and bad", "Diet Coke and paleo", "why I shouldn't drink Diet Coke", "is club soda paleo?" and others.

I love Diet Coke. Or Pepsi. Or the No Name brand you can pick up at the grocery store. If it's tar black, bubbly and comes in that telltale can or bottle, I love it. If I can pick it up for $1.00 all summer long at McDonald's, I'm down. I know it's bad - terrible, really - but I love the shit.

And I need to give it up. You see, at the end of March I did give it up. For the first six weeks of my paleo adventure, there were no diet sodas. I drank tea during the morning at work and then water the rest of the time. Then it started getting warmer, and the aforementioned dollar days kicked in, and the little voice in my head said "oh, just have one". And it's been getting worse and worse ever since.

Drinking the diets has made it easier for other crappy foods to slip back into my daily life. It's definitely affected my sleep. In fact, I would say that the manner in which its affecting my sleep is worse than it was before I started paleo - by the time I went to bed before, I was ready to just pass out, and I slept soundly, even with the caffeine. In the time I was paleo and off diet coke, I was ready to fall asleep by 10:30-11:00 and sleeping soundly, waking up pretty well rested the next morning. Now I'm still awake at 12:00 (or in tonight's case, 2am) feeling "tired but awake" and am definitely not sleeping as soundly. Last week on the days I was off work I slept in until 10:00 or so, but the last three hours didn't actually feel like sleep. I've been waking up blah. It sucks.

The no name brand soda has been giving me stomach pain. I ACTUALLY CONTINUE TO DRINK SOMETHING THAT IS ACTIVELY MAKING ME SICK. This is probably one of the most ridiculous statements in here, and I shake my head even writing it, but it's true.

The amount of times that "oh, I should just run through McDick's and grab a large, it's only $1" runs through my head is absurd. There have been times I think about altering my route on the way home so that I actually go by one.

I let it sneak back into my life and I am paying for that dearly.

And starting tomorrow, it needs to leave again. It's all or nothing, and I have to choose nothing. One little sip leads to one can, which leads to sucking back soda after soda (free refills!) wherever I happen to be. Food in particular and diet coke especially is one of those things that I really have to be all or nothing with.

You know, the weird thing is that it's not like I actively dislike the taste of water. I can suck it back like a champ too. It's just something about that fizz of the can cracking open, or the bubbles hitting the back of my throat. I am an addict, there's no denying it.

I keep having to remind myself that what I do with diet coke is not normal. Other people do not consume it in this fashion. It is not a water substitute. It is not healthy. The shit in there is gross. I really need to remember that. It's chemical after chemical after chemical.

This article was really good: http://brentscrossfitpaleolife.com/2011/03/09/can-you-get-hooked-on-diet-soda/

So yes, tomorrow once again begins my attempts to kick a horrible habit. This time I need to make sure it sticks.