I didn't mean to sound like that...

I contracted a case of whiny bitch-itis yesterday, and I'm not proud of it.

As I may have stated before, I am not a strong runner. In fact, every time those fated letters, "R-U-N" rear their ugly heads on the whiteboard, I pretty much resign myself to the back-of-the-pack. Actually, let's be really honest - I prepare myself for a battle wherein I fight valiantly to not be last.

Does it matter if I'm last? No, not really? It's not like everyone waits by the door to point, laugh, and kick me in the ass. But it's part of that same competitive nature that has you checking the board when you get to the gym, curious how everyone did in the morning on the WOD (or how everyone in the classes after you fared on yesterday's WOD). It's hard to claim that times don't matter when we time everything in the first place, and then go the extra step and write it down. But anyways, times on running WODs matter to me just a little bit more, if only because my pride would love it if I wasn't always huffing and puffing my way in miles behind everyone else.

And based on this wonderous pride of mine, the bitchitis reared itself.

The WOD was similar to yesterday - we had one 800m run, two 400m runs, and four 250m runs. Rest 3min after the 800m, 2min after the 400s and 1min after the 250s. For added fun, we had to do five squats at 80-85% of our 5RM before every run.

I found my way to the back of the pack right off the bat as my squats in the first round were hella slow. But, by the end of the second 400m, I had actually caught up to a few people. This is where things went awry. Instead of taking the 2min rest, a few took 1min. And I got mad, because all of the sudden I was back in the back for a reason that had nothing to do with my running. And I bitched. And as it came out I felt stupid and wished that I could cram it back inside, but my word vomit was already splashed across my little space.

It's a good reminder that I need to be there for me, not anyone else. I need to focus on myself. There's a way to be competitive and want to be better and achieve more that doesn't result in coming off like a petulant child. I'd love to say that running brought out the worst in me, but I can't blame it on running. I bring out the worst in me when I do dumb shit, and that's really what it all comes down to.